Two atoms are walking along the street when the first one trips.
The second one asks, "Are you okay?"
The first one says, "I think I lost an electron!"
The second one asks, "Are you sure?"
The first one replies, "I'm POSITIVE!"
There was this guy who was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet on a little outing around town.
So, he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's Place and have a drink with me?" But the centipede didn't answer.
This worried him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again. "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But still there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he thought about it for a while and decided to try one more time. But this time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "HEY! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK'S PLACE WITH ME FOR A DRINK?"
A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"
There was a young man of Milan
Whose poems, they never would scan;
When asked why it was,
He said, "It's because
I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can."
-Anonymous
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punch line.